The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize