At least make sure they are 18
Why
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize