either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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