Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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