No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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