and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize