Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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