you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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