My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize