she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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