My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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