When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize