you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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