is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize