All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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