I want to walk on stilts...naked
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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