She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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