It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
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I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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