Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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