I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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Reggie can tackle my bush.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
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It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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