I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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