Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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