? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
