Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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