i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize