My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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