explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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