last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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