this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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