next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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