your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize