i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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