u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize