I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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