last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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