i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can text with my tongue
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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