I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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