Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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