She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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