You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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