I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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