I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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