his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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