hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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