So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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