FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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