He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
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Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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