hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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