I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
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I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
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remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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