His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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