I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're a waste of cheezeits
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize